#1278
oh dear...........
Date: 12/14/2001
From: Tork_110
Look what I started. I have a lot of apologizing to do.
Everyone can just get in line and I'll start apologizing tonight. Probably around 9:00-10:00p eastern standard time.
Now you can only get one apology. ONE. Except Lita, who I've been really mean to lately. (I'll do anything to make it up to you. I'll go on a suicide mission against PM if you want. Really!)
#1279
Now aren't you all happy...
Date: 12/14/2001
From: AnOldRedneckReindeer
I confused you all with my reply! See, that made you all forget about your writers' blocks and instead try to fix the mess I made by patching it up with your own individual storylines!
Ain't I smart...
Fine, it wasn't my intention to be confusing! Will you forgive me, again?! Ummm, here's some leftover chocolates from Valentine's Day if you forgive me! (they're all coconut... maybe they won't notice...)
magrandpa?
grandmapa!, sch.
The Elderly Gender-Bender!
Vice-Prez of the I Hate Riddler Club!
President of the I Hate Hamburglar Club!
Second Pace Winner Wacky Races 2001!
5:05 P.M. CST1
#1280
<Evil Mike returns to the Lair.>
Date: 12/14/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
........................................................
Rimmer: Hi, Evil Mike!
Lita: Where'sss Tork?
EM: He's tied to the train tracks. Duh.
Lita: Oh.
gramps: Hey, Lita. Want some chocolate?
Lita: I donn take cannndy from *clone killersss.* You mmightbe tryin ta poissson me. Jusss like you poisssoned my clone!
gramps: I didn't poison her!
Lita 42: <nervous> Really? How did you kill her? I'm just curious because… I'm just curious.
gramps: Look, you guys! I feel really bad about screwing up the continuity before! It's good chocolate! Honest!
<Lita takes one of the chocolates and starts to eat it.>
Lita: Ack! *choke* Coconut!! Bleechh!! *cough* *spit* *spit* *cough*
***************************
<Back at the train tracks. Tork is still there, and BOY is he bored! Suddenly, a cop approaches, and *gasp!* it's not Alan Hale!>
Tork: Hey! Help! Roar!
Cop: What are you doing on those train tracks?
Tork: I'm lying on them. Can you untie me? Grr?
Cop: Don't you know that 10 million people are killed every *day* because they were hit by trains?
Tork: No. I didn't. Growel.
Cop: They just didn't look. WHY DON'T THEY LOOK???
Tork: I really don't know. Can you untie me? Rarr?
Cop: Didn't anybody ever tell you how dangerous it is to play on train tracks?
Tork: Yes. And I'd really like to leave. So are you going to untie me now? (Uhmmm….) Roar again!
Cop: Now look here, Bear Robot Guy! <He pulls out his gun> You need to learn an important lesson about train safety! So I'm going to give you a lecture about proper train track crossing procedure! AND YOU WILL LISTEN TO EVERY WORD I HAVE TO SAY!!!
Tork: Fine! Fine! But can you untie me before you lecture me? Rarr.
Cop: NO!!!
Tork: All right then. About how long is this going to take? Grr.
Cop: A few hours. So get comfortable.
Tork: Grr.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
hates coconut
#1281
Blah.
Date: 12/14/2001
From: Ghost_of_Rimmer_Past
<Blah mode>
Where's my apology?
#1282
Okay, Rimsey...
Date: 12/14/2001
From: AnOldRedneckReindeer
I is sorry! Want some chocolate?
Let's have a group hug! Awwwwwwwwwww!!!!
gramps!
9:44 P.M. CST!
#1283
sorry I'm late
Date: 12/14/2001
From: Tork_110
Something unexpected happened.
So who wants an apology and for what reason?
#1284
<Lita is rolling on the floor, gagging.>
Date: 12/14/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
..........................................................
Uhhhggg…. Coconut… I hate coconut… *gaaaaak!!!*
<Lita sits up suddenly>
Hey Tork! You're back! I guess that cop finished screaming at you? Yay! I want several apologies. And here's my list of reasons.
<Lita hands Tork a three foot long list. The many, many infractions on it range from "Saying pleh to me" to "Saying you were dissapoined with my looks" to "Giving me that dirty look the other day" to "That time Bono told the cow that he hates me.">
Now hurry up and apologize so I can go back to choking on gramp's disgusting candy.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
had a whole different reply already written out
about why Tork was late
and then he had to go and show up and make it not count!
So she's adding that to the list.
Pleh on coconut! Walnuts too! Pleh!!!
#1285
ok, here I go
Date: 12/14/2001
From: Tork_110
Y.A.A.R. ------------------------
<Tork is on the ground. His head is kissing the dirt that Lita once stood on. He is in apology mode. >
I'm sorry for saying the "p" word. I didn't know what it meant but I knew it was somewhat naughty. In the future I will avoid saying anything even remotely offensive around Lita.
I'm sorry for my comments about your looks. Clearly you're an attractive woman, and I obviously wasn't looking at you when I said what I said.
I apologize for giving you that dirty look. I don't remember when that happened, but clearly I must have did something wrong at one point (you know I'm serious when I spell point right!)
I am ever so sorry that Bono said to the cow that he hates you. That was my fault as well. Maybe I could make him see the error of his ways.
I'm sorry that you're original reply is worthless. I should have been on time, but I had to wait 45 minutes to get to a computer after I was away. I will always try to be punctual from now on.
I apologize for the "moose" comment I made. Let's just pretend that one didn't happen.
I'm sorry about the streaking. No one should ever be tortured by my nudity.
I'm sorry that Gramps gave you coconut to eat. I should have slapped it out of his hands before you took it from him.
And that offer is still good.
Phew, I'm exausted. Who's next?
#1286
Hmmmm... oookaaay...
Date: 12/14/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
.........................................................
Tork, I accept your apologies. But I just want you to do one thing for me...
I'm building suspense!
Effective, huh?
Tork, I want you to go steal that stupid hat Phafoorawalah wears all the time. If you do that, we can call it even! But you have to actually steal it. It doesn't count if he just gives you the hat because he's a nice guy.
But before you go, apologize to my clone. 42's been all grouchy ever since she heard about the popularity poll and found out nobody likes her. The poor thing!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
#1287
to Miss '42
Date: 12/15/2001
From: TorksXmasSpecial
Y.A.A.R. 12634716237496324732641982364987234146374
I apologize to you Lita42. Sometimes I tell jokes that completely backfire. Well, not sometimes, but anyway...I only put you on that list because you weren't a regular. I should have been smart enough to realize that you have become an important part of the story. Owww. Stop punching me! Uh, I'm mean, may I have another. You're punches are very painful. And that's a good thing. Really it is!
#1288
Hi, everyone!
Date: 12/15/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
Hi Hi Hi Hi Hi Hi Hi
No rp response, I just wanted to say hi to everybody. I guess, if you want, I can apoligize for stuff I've done too, while I'm here. I've got all night.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
This is where the fish lives.
#1289
Ah, screw it...
Date: 12/15/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
screw screw screw screw screw
...I'm going to bed.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
No, *THIS* is where the fish lives
#1290
Hey, is it too late
Date: 12/15/2001
From: manosgirl
for me and my little sodium-mobile to catch up with everybody?
Don't say no, or I'll throw pickles at you!
manosgirl
"wheeeeeeeeee!"
fsm...
#1291
Lita: Mickey, don't you dare...
Date: 12/15/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
.....................................................
...try to get away with not apologizing to me!1!!!1 Can't you see I'm hurting? Apologize to my cow too.
cow: I'moo not your cow you unmooannered Amooerican twit!
Lita: See? He *needs* to be apologized to! Maybe it would improve his mood.
cow: Nothing is wrong with mooy mooood, Little Girl! You'd be mooad too if you had to spend all your timooe with--
Lita: Tee hee! He's a mad cow!
cow: Gah! Of all the stupid, imoomooature, vacuous, bloodymooinded, moooronic womooen on this planet I could have been stuck having to hang around with, it just had to be you, didn't it?
Lita: *smile* You're welcome.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
is incapable of getting angry
with Lord Kinsey Figgybottom the Cow.
He's just so cute!
#1292
Oh! manosgirl! What brings you here?
Date: 12/15/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
..........................................................
Come on in! We're having a grand old time! And there's always room for one more! You might want to catch up on the plot though… it's pretty involved. And people get snippy around here if you screw up continuity. Not me. Everybody else.
<Lita ignores the accusing glances from everybody else. She drags out a complete transcript of all the replies at this post from #582 on page 16 or thereabouts, to the present. It's really heavy.>
manosgirl: My goodness...
Lita: It's actually not as long as it looks. It's pretty quick read, you know, as long as the Doh isn't going all slow or not letting people in. I reread it recently, and it only took a few days. Here! Have some Battle Booze. I find the plot makes a whole lot more sense if you aren't quite sober.
Lita
#1293
OK, I'm sorry Lita.
Date: 12/15/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
for...............................
your cow being a big jerk!!!!
There, how was that?
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Has anybody ever seen this fish?
#1294
Apology accepte-- Heeeeyyy!
Date: 12/15/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
.........................................................
Lord Rinky-dink can't help being a jerk! He used to be a British Nobleman! It was his job to be all snooty and disdainful at us Americans.
Besides, how would you feel if some really old kid came along and turned you into a two and a half inch tall ceramic cow?! He's got a lot going on in his tiny little hollow ceramic head!
Hmph!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
I measured him! 2 1/2 inches from the bottom of his hooves to the tips of his horns. He's even shorter than wurwolf!
#1295
I'm sorry......
Date: 12/15/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
...........................
udderly, udderly, sorry.
Mickey The Wise Ass Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Is fish plural? Does he have friends? Or is it just a fish?
#1296
Hey! It wasn't my fault!
Date: 12/15/2001
From: AnOldRedneckReindeer
I was drunk when that happened, and I, for some reason, thought that lighting a mummy on fire, snorting his ashes, and sneezing them would give me a high!
Blame the brewers, because *someone* didn't put enough alcohol in my drink to make me pass out, causing me to look for another way to get my kicks!
Now my feelings are hurting again! Apologize, Lita, because you shouldn't poin a finger before you know the facts! POIN!!!!1!!!11!!!1!!
magrandpa?
grandmapa!, sch.
The Elderly Gender-Bender!
Vice-Prez of the I Hate Riddler Club!
President of the I Hate Hamburglar Club!
Second Place Winner of Wacky Races 2001!
3:41 P.M. CST!
#1297
Ah ha! I broke the 2nd highest record!
Date: 12/15/2001
From: AnOldRedneckReindeer
PLEH!!!1!!11!!!1!
1297! WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO! Nanny-nanny boo-boo!
gramps!
#1298
Opps, I thought the record was 1296...
Date: 12/15/2001
From: AnOldRedneckReindeer
Well, I broke the record by seven, so still BLAH!!!1!!!11!!! to all of you!
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!1!!11!!!1!!
grandmapa!
3:52 P.M. CST!
#1299
I will not apologize, gimp!!!
Date: 12/15/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
........................................................
You should apologize to me! You trashed my house, killed my clone, snorted my house guest, sneezed on my computer (which now needs to be washed), and set my Evil Mike on fire!!!! And then you fed me coconut candy! Ick!!! Blah to you, grampie! And you know what else? Pleh!!!!!
And I'll poin at whomever I choose!!!
<POIN!!!>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup.
didn't notice at the time,
but she got reply #1234
Geez, I could use a drink.
#1300
That's the spirit, Lita!
Date: 12/15/2001
From: Sunday12
(We bitches need to stick together.)
Shall I kick the gimp around for ya?
#1301
*sniffle* You just PLEHed me...
Date: 12/15/2001
From: AnOldRedneckReindeer
That cut me deep, Lita. You of all people! Now I'm gonna cry!
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!11!!!1!!!!!1!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOO!!!!!!
WHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!1!!!1!!!11!!!1
Now I need to blow my nose!
*PHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHT!!!!!!!*
I didn't mean to *sniff* trash your house, and *tear* snort and sneeze KFB on your *PHHHHHHHHT* computer screen, or enflame EM, or give you coconut *tear* candy, but I didn't *sniff* kill your clone! I didn't! I'm sorry for what I did do, but you didn't have to PLEH!!! meeeeeeeeeeeeeee...
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!1!!!!!11!!
*sniff* I'll be okay. I just need a hug... and some therapy... and some money... AND AN APOLOGY!!!!
magrandpa?
grandmapa!, sch.
The Elderly Gender-Bender!
Vice-Prez of the I Hate Riddler Club!
President of the I Hate Hamburglar Club!
Second-Place Winner of Wacky Races 2001!
6:35 P.M. CST!
#1302
Stay out of this, Sunday12!
Date: 12/15/2001
From: AnOldRedneckReindeer
This is between me and Lita! And I can kick my own butt without your help, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!!
Go harass Tork some more. You don't even know me!
gramps!
Can kick his own butt
without Sunday12's help,
and proud of it!!!
6:40 P.M. CST!
#1303
*sniff* Ok, gramps.
Date: 12/15/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
..........................................................
*cry* You can have a hug. <Lita hugs gramps> But... *sob* You can't have an apology. *sniff* You plehed me first.
http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/31162/8
And you did too kill my clone. *cry* And you still haven't apologized for all that other stuff. *sob*
Which is why I'm going to have to ask That Sunday Bitch to start kicking you, and not stop until *you* apologize to *me*!!! You withered old gimp!!! WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
Put a "kick me" sign on grampie's back when she hugged him
I've been wearing my Bitch Crown since reply #1284.
I'm surprised nobody noticed.
#1304
I know about you, Gramps!
Date: 12/15/2001
From: Sunday12
I know everything about you. I know stuff about you that you don't even know about you! HA!
<Starts kicking his ass>
Oh, and while I'm kicking you ass, archive boy, something very special happens on December 16th. It's very special and if no one honors it I'll cry. (No, it's not the Boston Tea Party nor is it the birth of Beethoven or Jane Austen.)
#1305
to Rimmer
Date: 12/15/2001
From: TorksXmasSpecial
Y.A.A.R udhgfawhfuilaewhfakjwhfalkjdshfskjdalhflkjs
I am sorry that I poined at you. I have the tendency to spaz out of control. (See the apology to Lita.) You have been very kind to me by letting me make replies to this post despite the poining incident. *sniff* I don't deserve to live!!!
<Tork attempts suicide by poining at himself.>
How's THAT for an apology!
#1306
Did Mooickey PUN mooe?
Date: 12/15/2001
From: Lord_KFB_Cow
.............................
Oh that's it!
Time to put him out to pasture
(everyone laughs)
What? What's so flippin' funny?
Oh...I'm so ashamooed.
MOO/
#1307
You know who else should apologize?
Date: 12/15/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
..........................................................
Phaforfaffafofo! *sigh* I remember it like it was yesterday…
<Wavy flashback special effect…>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<Lita and Rimmer are having a lovely tea party at Lita's house.>
Rimmi: <very cordial and proper> Lita, would you care for a crumpet?
Lita: <also very cordial and proper> What the hell is a crumpet?
<Just then, Pharaoh Mobius busts through the door, his face contorted with the insanity that years of being evil will get a person.>
PM: Lita! I just thought I'd drop by to tell you you're really FAT!
Lita: I'm not fat!
PM: Yes you are! In fact, fat is putting it lightly! You're morbidly obese, Fatty Fatty Fat Fat! You're so fat, you have to beep loudly when you walk backwards!
Lita: I do not!!!
<Lita bursts into tears>
Rimmi: Lita is not fat! She's a perfectly healthy weight for her height!
PM: She's incredibly fat! You just didn't notice because you were too busy slutting around!
Rimmi: What???
PM: You heard me, Slutty McWhorington!
Rimmi: Hey!
PM: You're such a slut, you're just like a hardware store! Four cents a scr--
Rimmi: I thought we were friends!!!
<Rimmi bursts into tears.>
PM: <To Lita> Hey, Porky! Is this that essay you have due tomorrow that you were working for hours and hours on?
Lita: <through tears> Y- *gulp* y-yes…
PM: I think I can make some improvements!
<Pharaoh Mobius picks up Lita's essay and tears it into a million tiny little pieces. Then he laughs evilly and runs away, leaving Rimmi and Lita all alone, their once lovely tea party a shambles, to cry noisily into their tea.>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That's how I remember it, anyway.
Rimmer, correct me if you remember it differently.
And he still has the nerve to say he didn't do anything wrong.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
only took a minute to print another copy of the essay,
but that's not the poin.
It's the principle of the thing.
And what the hell *is* a crumpet, anyway?
PM is gonna pay.
#1308
<Lita adjusts her Bitch Crown.>
Date: 12/15/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
.........................................................
Lita: There! That's better! Hey, Tork… Why are you still here? Didn't you have something to do?
Tork: Uh… no…
Lita: Uh… Yes… You promised. You were supposed to go steal PM's hat for me.
Tork: Oh… that. The suicide mission. Right. (Grr.) Thing is, I don't really want to die just yet--
Lita: Nobody's asking you to die. Just steal the hat.
Tork: But if it's a suicide mission…
Lita: You're the only one who's calling it a suicide mission. Now get going.
Tork: All right, (roar) just let me finish drawing up my will--
Lita: You don't need a will. It isn't necessary to die to complete the mission.
Tork: Make sure you tell Nastinka I'm sorry about the whole marriage thing.
Lita: Tell her yourself, death isn't part of the master plan.
Tork: Make sure my kidneys go to--
Lita: For Pete's sake! You don't have to die!! In fact, I'd prefer it if you didn't! Now, quit stalling, and go steal that stupid hat!!! (Crimeny!)
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
Tee-hee! Tork is my bitch!
#1309
The rp has erupted into in fighting
Date: 12/16/2001
From: IamWritersBlock
Excellent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You thought you could kill me, Grandmapa? Well it didn't work. Look at all the vhaos I've caused! It's beautiful.
By the way, Sunday12? I'm curious as to who you have more of a crush on...Tork...
or Rimmer.
I love my work.
#1310
take that IaWB
Date: 12/16/2001
From: Tork_110
<Tork, who has been poining like crazy lately, let's IaWB have a really nasty poin.>
Tork: Not fighting! Apologizing! Take that! GRR! (to Lita) Do you think my parachute will work when I need it.
Lita: Would you go already?!11!!11
Tork: Okay, here I go...Waaaaait a minute. 'You don't have to die!! In fact, I'd prefer it if you didn't!'
<Tork starts dancing around.>
Tork: LITA LIKES ME! LITA LIKES ME!
Tork_110
serves the Dark One
just when I thought the apologizies were over!
#1311
apologies!!!
Date: 12/16/2001
From: Tork_110
Y.A.A.R D'oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh
Stupid Mickey! After you said that I was the Thomas Edison of typos I got all nervice (I mean nervous, DOH) and now I can't spell right!)
All right, all right, I'll get the stupid hat!
#1312
Oh, man, I can't believe we forgot!
Date: 12/16/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Beethoven's Birthday! Man, Schroeder's gonna be pissed!
Oh, and I might as well say it....
Happy birthday, Rimmer!
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Will be extremrly embarressed if it's not Rimmer's birthday.
#1313
Thanks Mickey!
Date: 12/16/2001
From: Ghost_of_Rimmer_Past
<hugs Mickey>
Now I need cake and presents...... mostly presents!
#1314
Ooh! 1313 for Rimmi! Unlucky post!!!
Date: 12/16/2001
From: Let_It_Schmoe
Pain don't hurt.
****************
You're gonna have 13 years of bad luck now, Rimmi!! I feel sorry for you! Haha!!
You'd better call up Miss Cleo so she can take this bad mojo whammy jammy off of you!
:o(
fw!!
no socks
#1315
OK, present...hmm...
Date: 12/16/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
Oh, I know...............
Mickey: Hey Lita, what's that in the bathroom?
Lita: I don't see anything. Hold on, I'll go check...
(Lita enters the bathroom...Mickey stands in front of the door, so she can't get out)
Mickey: OK, Rimmer, now!
Rimmer: Hi, Evil Mike. Happy birthday to *me*.
Lita: (Pounding on the door) I'm going to kill you, Mickey!!!
Mickey: I don't know how long I can keep her in there. Can you be quick?
Evil Mike: Oh, just put a rock in front of there. And you might want to leave for a while.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Can't do much about a cake, though...oh well.
#1316
Okay, I've got some catching up to do!
Date: 12/16/2001
From: AnOldRedneckReindeer
To Lita: Okay, so I did PLEH!!! you first, and maybe I kinda, sorta, just a teenie-wennie, itsy-bitsy portion of a bit killed your clone... dead. Yes, I killed your clone dead! And you know what else?! I'M SORRY!!!! I'm sorry I killed your clone dead, and that I PLEHed you, and I did apologize for all that other stuff!!!! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!?!
Whew, can I have a cookie?
To Sunday12: SO YOU'RE MY STALKER!!! So you've been that person hiding behind trees and in ditches and cars and laughing maniacly outside my window at night that you know more about me that me! Could you please hold off with the maniacal laughing? I mean, all that other stuff is OK, but the maniacal laughter has to stop! I have to sleep, and you could be arrested for being a nuisance! And don't want to have to bail you out! So just please hold off with it, OK?
To Writer's Block: I'll get you! I'll get you GOOD!!!! I'll get you gooder than good! I'll get you GOODEST!!!!
Wait, no, GOODEREST!!!! Hang on, BETTER THAT GOODERREST!!!! Well, you know I'll get you anyway, so there!
To Tork and Mickey: Well, I don't have anything against you two, and you haven't done anything to me, so you get lollipops! And their Tootsie Roll Pops®, so you guys can keep busy by trying to figure out "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop®?™"! You can keep tally on this sheet of paper using lines and slashes, too!
To Rimsey: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!1!!11!!!! You get some birthday spankings from Toblerone, Ortega, and Evil Mike! Oh, and here's your very own moonshine still for all of those "hard times"! Have a good one, you crazy kid you!
magrandpa?
grandmapa!, sch.
The Elderly Gender-Bender!
Vice-Prez of the I Hate Riddler Club!
President of the I Hate Hamburglar Club!
Second-Palce Winner of Wacky Races 2001!
1:22 P.M. CST!
#1317
I meant "THEY'RE Tootsie Roll Pops!"n/t
Date: 12/16/2001
From: AnOldRedneckReindeer
Ha-Ha! I said there was no text, but I lied! Okay look on down!
I told you NO TEXT, but you didn't believe me, did you?! Some people!
gramps!
1:28 P.M. CST!
#1318
If Mr. Owl says 3 licks,
Date: 12/16/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
#$#%$%$##&%#&#%#$
Than it's 3 licks, damn it!!!!
Never mess with Mr. Owl!
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Why don't they look...for the fish?
#1319
Ohhh... Mickey...You are so dead meat...
Date: 12/16/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
............................................................
Lita: Hey, grampie? I forgive you for all that other stuff… except for the clone killing part. But I'll try to at least overlook that. And I'm sorry I was mean to you and told That Sunday Bitch to kick your ass. I think I can get her to stop if you help me get out of here. Pleeeeeeaaaasssse???
gramps: Okey Dokey!
<grandmapa waves his magic walker, and teleports Lita out of the bathroom. Now she's standing right in front of Mickey, her arms crossed, tapping her foot angrily on the floor.>
Mickey: Lita! Hi! You're out! Imagine that! Hey, let go of my ear! That hurts! Owie! Owie! Owieowieowieowieowieowieowieowieowieowieowie! Ow!!
<Lita has pulled Micky by the ear to where That Sunday Bitch is kicking the snot out of grandmapa. Lita taps TSB's shoulder, and poins to Mickey. TSB stops kicking gramps's ass, and starts kicking Mickey's.>
Mickey: Lita! *ouch!* Make her stop!
Lita: No! You deserve this! I am so pissed off at you right now! You have no idea!
Mickey: But *gah!* Evil Mike and Rimmer *yeeouch!!* are the ones you should be mad at! *oof!*
Lita: It is Rimmer's birthday, so I'm going to finish kicking your ass before I go take care of them.
Mickey: But *oww!* That Sunday Bitch is the one *ouch!* who's kicking my ass, *argh!* not you!
Lita: Good poin.
<Lita starts helping TSB in Mickey's well deserved ass kicking.>
Mickey: *ouch!!!* Why did I say that? *ooof!*
Lita: Hey, 42! Wanna join in?
Lita 42: After all the trouble he's caused me? Sure thing! <she grabs a nearby baseball bat.>
Lita: Hey! This is like a party! Punching Mickey really is fun! I can see what Evil Mike was getting at! Anybody else wanna help? Cave Rimmer? Lord Summerfest? Writer's Block? gramps?
<Several more people join in>
EM: Hey! Did somebody say there was Mickey punching going on? I need to get in on that!
<EM rushes down to join the others>
Rimmer: Hey!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
EM neglected to put his clothes back on
when he went to go punch Mickey.
What a shame.
Mickey punching should be a league sport.
#1320
I'm afraid I must decline, my pretty
Date: 12/16/2001
From: IamWritersBlock
............................
I mainly deal in mental torture. Physical torture lies outside of my jurisdiction.
But good luck with that.
#1321
You know what, Lita?
Date: 12/16/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
___________________________
Gramps was going to let Evil Mike spend time with Rimmer, too.
Gramps: WHAT? You lie.
Mickey: Oh, really...http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/1316, check out the part about Rimmer.
Lita: I don't believe you.
Mickey: Yes, it's there, as well as Gramps plans to have Rimmer involved in a weird drunken 4 way between her, EM, Ortega and Toblerone. And I don't doubt that he wants to get involved too. That sicko.
Lita: All right Mickey, you've had enough. Everybody, you know what to do.
Gramps: Eep.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Besides, Lita told Tork she hates sports.
Besides, it's Rimmer day.
#1322
42: Wait a minute!
Date: 12/16/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
..........................................................
Lita: What?
42: You want us to stop punching Mickey and start punching grandmapa?
Lita: I guess. Why?
42: I don't want to punch grandmapa! He has a history of killing clones! I don't want to die! I'd rather keep punching Mickey. I'm still mad at him for that whole giving me a criminal record thing.
EM: Actually, I'd rather keep punching Mickey too. It's funny when he yells.
Mickey: Hey…
Lita: *sigh* I just can't make you people happy, can I? Fine. Just punch whomever you choose, ok? Why should I have to make all these decisions? I want to give Rimmer her real birthday present anyway.
<Lita pulls out a wrapped box>
Rimmer: Er… It's not going to explode, is it?
Lita: Of course not! It's really nice, and it wasn't easy to get! Here you go.
Rimmer: <opens the present> EEEEEEK!!!!1!1!!!
Lita: Don't yell! You'll scare the little guy!
Rimmer: Little?! Lita, you are sick!
<Inside the box is one of the little spiders from Horrors of Spider Island. And it *is* little… at least compared to Spidey.>
Lita: What? You don't like him? He's cute! Look at his poiny little teeth… awwww…. <Lita reaches into the box and scratches the spider on the head.> See? He likes people!
Rimmer: Yeah, he sure does. For breakfast.
Lita: That reminds me. don't let him bite you or anything… Because then you'll probably turn into a spider. And I don't know how to turn you back after that happens. We'd have to kill you maybe… and it would suck to have to kill you on your birthday. He's very well behaved, though. I did a really good job of training him. What are you going to name him?
Rimmer: Err… Thanks for the gift, Lita. I appreciate it. Really. I love getting presents that can kill me.
<As Lita sits back to watch the fights, Rimmer quietly puts the lid back on the box and slides it out of the way.>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
What?
What woman wouldn't love to get a big 'ol bloodsucking spider for her birthday?
Especially a woman who's out for revenge...
#1323
Okay, Writer's Block!
Date: 12/16/2001
From: AnOldRedneckReindeer
Now I'm gonna get you BETTER THAT GOODERESTNESSLYNESSEREST MENTALLY!!!! ((((((EEEEEEEEEECCCCCCCCHHHHHHHOOOOOOOO))))))
See the echoes? Good.
And Mickey! There's a MAJOR difference between a five-way and birthday spankings! How would you even pull that off?! Ewww... I feel dirty just writing about this! You pervert! <kicks Mickey in his goo-goo, and again with a steel-toed boot, for good measure> And give me back that Tootsie-Roll Pop®, because only good little boys and girls get one! Here Tork, you get Mickey's Tootsie-Roll Pop®, because you've been a good boy, and Santa's going to bring you lots of nice stuff! All Mickey's going to get is an eraser, a bar of soap, and 20 pounds of coal!
Nasty guy, I'm only 14!
magrandpa?
grandmapa!, sch.
The Elderly Gender-Bender!
Vice-Prez of the I Hate Riddler Club!
President of the I Hate Hamburglar Club!
Second-Place Winner of Wacky Races 2001!
5:03 P.M. CST!
#1324
And now, kids, it's storytime!
Date: 12/16/2001
From: AnOldRedneckReindeer
Yay!
GASP! (Brought to you in the glory of 12 font!)
Ever since the beginning of time, there have been stories. That is all I wanted to say, so I continue. Anyway, somewhere in the world, there is a boy by the name of Greg. Greg was pretty average, unless you factor in that he is my puppet in this story! Whahahahaha! Oh... excuse me. Back to what I was saying, he was a good kid, until one day, a ferret, a diamond, and an old man in Spandex changed his life FOREVER! And only I can bring it to you in the glory and magnificence of 12 FONT!
It all started at his house one afternoon, when he suddenly thought to himself, “One day, I’m going to invent a pill so people can become smart without going to school. But what if they become addicted! I must stop this drug!” Greg became the first person to protest a drug that didn’t exist. Then he remembered, ”I’ll never forget my most embarrassing moment! Oh... I just forgot it.” Then, he heard a loud shriek coming from his living room. “What was that?” he replied. “Hmm... must be my dog eating my cat. Oh well. Hey, wait a minute! I don’t have a dog or a cat!” With that, Greg ran to the living room.
When he arrived, he saw a strange sight. A little ferret was squealing while gnawing on a throw pillow, and an elderly man in a black Spandex suit was holding a huge diamond. “Who is that man?” Greg said startled while speaking to himself in second person.
“I am THAT MAN!®(dum dum DUM!)” the old man replied.
“Who?”
“THAT MAN!®(dum dum DUM!)”
“Which man?”
“This man!”
“So you are THAT MAN!®(dum dum DUM!)?”
“Yes!”
“Now I understand! So, why are you in my house?” Greg asked understandably.
“Well, when you’re my age, you can’t steal the world’s biggest diamond without a rest, so you’re house had a ramp and the door was open,” the elder replied.
“Shoot! I knew I forgot something!” Greg said frustrated as he absent-mindedly had left a spoon in the microwave and the clogged sink running. “But, I guess since you’re so evil, I’ll have to chase you down across land and sea myself, instead of calling the police.”
“Yeah, I suppose so. I guess I should start off, so you can start devising you’re plan to capture me,” he replied, ”Come Walter III ¾,” and with the jump of the ferret on his shoulder, they hobbled out the door.
Greg wandered the world, searching every nook and cranny for signs of THAT MAN!®(dum dum DUM!), and two and a half years later, he came home only to remember that he lived right next door to him. So without a moment’s hesitation, he walked next door to face his destiny. “Umm... hello?” he quivered nervously at the front door.
“Oh, hello dear nemesis. Want to come in?” the older man replied.
“Sure, you evil-doer you!”
“Okay, you hero-hippie you!” he joked,”Cushions? Swiss Miss?”
“None for me, thanks. But, we both know why I’m here. Where’s the diamond?”
“What diamond are you talking about?” he said stubbornly as he tried to stuff a suspicious-looking oversized diamond down his robe.
“Well, it’s big, clear, shiny, and looks kind of like the one you’re stuffing down your robe right now.”
“Nope. Haven’t seen it. But my ferret probably has. Oh Walter!”
Suddenly, the little ferret sprung from the ceiling fan, and began violently attacking Greg in a ferrety sort of way. “Ow! Get off of me! Ouch! That was my nose! Ahh! That was my eye! Ow! Wat was wy wongue!” Greg shouted furiously. Finally, he flung the ferret in the conveniently- placed Crazy Violent Ferret Compactor® and went for the diamond. “You have it, don’t you! Just give it here!”
“Okay, maybe I do,” he replied, “but you’ve got to guess which hand it’s in!”
“I was never good at this, but I’ll try!” Greg said confidently as a shiny big object was clenched in visible view from THAT MAN!®’s(dum dum DUM!) right hand. “I pick the left one!”
“Sorry, Greg, you’re wrong.”
“I guess I don’t get the diamond after all, do I?”
“No, evidently not. But, I’ll be up to more wrong-doings on the 15th, so why don’t you try to get some priceless treasure then.”
“Okay, I’ll see you then, you world-domination-obsessed you!”
“Okay, you do-gooder-without common-sense you!”
And with that, Greg went to Washington to protest the Anti-School Intelligence Pill.
This has been dedicated to all of my BBoard friends, and especially Writer's Block, whom I did not have at that time!
What do you think, sirs?
gramps!
5:20 P.M. CST!
#1325
<The room is in chaos...
Date: 12/16/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
..........................................................
…everybody is punching and kicking and biting and yelling, and not really paying much attention to who is getting punched, kicked, bitten, or yelled at. Actually, not really everybody. Lita and Rimmer are just watching, Writer's Block declined to participate, Buffalo is tied to a chair, and Tork is out stealing PM's hat (or so he claims). So really it's just Mickey, gramps, Carmelita42, Cave Rimmer, Lord Kinsey Figgybottom the Cow, That Sunday Bitch, and Evil Mike who are doing all the fighting. And they're making a mess.>
Rimmer: This is getting pretty tiring…
Lita: Ok, everybody quit with the fighting!
<Everybody stops fighting… except for Sunday, who seems to have her own agenda. She starts gnawing at Evil Mike's ankle.>
EM: Hey, knock that off.
<she doesn't.>
Lita: Look, this fighting isn't getting us anywhere. We should be getting along! We're all on the same team, here!
Sunday12: Not me.
EM: Or me.
WritersBlock: Or me.
Lita: Yeah, ok, fine, it's just that--
gramps: Hey, Lita!
Lita: What?
gramps: did you like my story? Huh? Huh? Huh?
Lita: Er… yes. It was very nice.
gramps: How nice? Just kind of nice, or really, really nice?
Lita: I said it was very nice, ok? I was impressed that you were able to tell that whole story while getting punched. Here, have some cookies.
gramps: You made cookies? What kind?
Lita: Chocolate chip. No walnuts.
gramps: Woo-hoo!
Lita 42: So if we aren't all going to fight, what should we do? Do you have a plan?
Lita: Er… no. Actually, I couldn't think of one. Quit laughing, WritersBlock. It isn't because of you. I said quit!
EM: So… why shouldn't we all be fighting again?
Mickey: I think I was just getting the hang of it!
Lita: Because we should be working together! We should be doing some group activity that will unite us, and bring us closer together as human beings!
EM: Hey, I know! Let's have an orgy like Mickey and grandmapa suggested!
<Lita kicks Evil Mike in the shin.>
Lita 42: Or, I guess we could all just resort to more violence.
Lita: Shut up.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
Hey, gramps! Tork isn't here, so he can't accept your Tootsie-Roll Pop® personally. But I'm here! Tell you what, I'll just hold it for him, and pass it on to him when he gets back with PM's hat! I won't chew on it or anything… probably.
#1326
OK, Lita, You're mad at me...
Date: 12/16/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
so I'll tell you what.....
On you're next birthday, I'll lock Rimmer in the bathroom, and you can be with Evil Mike.
Lita: Excuse me? I'm with him everyday.
Evil Mike: You seem dissapoined. Fine. I know when I'm not wanted. Come on, Ass.
Lita: Oh get back here and shutup, you big baby.
Mickey: It's the thought that counts.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Watch out for the fish!
#1327
a 4-way! Coooooool
Date: 12/16/2001
From: TorksXmasSpecial
------------------------------------
<Tork brings in his Dreamcast and 4 controllers.>
Tork: Okay, which game do you want to play first? Rimmer gets to pick first.
Lita: Aren't you forgetting something?
< Tork stares at Lita blankly. >
Lita: PM's HAT!
Tork: <slaps head> Oh yeah! I knew I was supposed to do something. Well here I go again.
Rimmer: What about my present?
Tork: Present? Okay. <reaches into his pocket.> Here's twenty bucks. Happy birthday!
<Tork leaves before any of the many other characters say anything or do anything significant.>
#1328
Oooh! I better reply quick!
Date: 12/17/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
..........................................................
While this post is both available and exists! I hate it when they tell me a post doesn't exist or isn't available, when I know perfectly well that it does exist, and there's no reason for it not to be available! Stupid Duh!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
knows that on some level WritersBlock is responsible
for the post being blocked all morning
#1329
<Lita is passing cookies around.>
Date: 12/17/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
.........................................................
<The mood in the lair has lightened significantly now that all the apologies are out of the way, and Lita has taken off her bitch crown, and people have quit punching each other. Things are getting downright lighthearted.>
Tork: Hey, Lita! Can I have some cookies?
Lita: Tork! You're back already! That was faster than I expected!
Tork: Uhm… Yeah. I guess.
Lita: See? I told you you wouldn't die! Did Phafuushanana give you any trouble? Where is it?
Tork: Where's what?
Lita: …… The hat.
Tork: Right! The hat! Yeah… There's a problem with the hat.
Lita: And what is that?
Tork: I don't have it yet.
Lita: Tork, you promised!
Tork: I know! I wanted to get going on that suicide mission for you, but it isn't my fault! I keep getting distracted!
Lita: It's not a suicide mission! It's really very simple! And you keep stalling! You said you'd steal the hat for me! You said!
Tork: Yeah, well… I was just about to go, but then I saw it was Rimmer's birthday, and I couldn't just ignore her birthday--
Lita: You said you wanted to prove that you didn't mean all that mean stuff you did to me!
Tork: I do! I really do! And I was jut about to go, but then I saw you handing out all those cookies, and they look really good! Can I have a cookie?
Lita: Fine. *sniff* I guess if cookies are more important to you then keeping your promise to me…. <Lita's lower lip starts to quiver. Her eyes are welling up with tears. It's pitiful.> … then I guess you can have a cookie…
Tork: Cool! <He reaches for the cookie plate>
Lita: It just means you don't care how I feel is all…
Tork: Oh… I guess I should go get that hat right now then… shouldn't I?
Lita: <her voice breaking> Y-yeah.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
knows when to use a guilt trip
This plan is taking a ridiculously long time to implement, and guess whose fault that is…
#1330
Tork: I'm going to steal the hell
Date: 12/17/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
out of that hat.......
(Tork is incognito, and he's wearing a disguise, too! He walks up to PM, who for some reason, is still standing where he was a few days ago)
Tork: Gimme that hat!
PM: No! My mother gave me this hat.
Tork: I said give it!
PM: No, you're mean, stranger who oddly sounds like Tork.
Tork: I'll give you a cookie.
PM: Wellllllllllllllllllllllllllll.....no.
Tork: Fine, you big baby. I'll just...hey, what's that over there?
PM (looks in the direction Tork is poining): I don't see anythin...
Tork: Yoink! (takes the hat) Ouch! (drops the hat) That hat just bit me!
PM: Of course it did. I have an anti-theft device in my hat. A rabid ferret. It used to be an anteater, but I got kicked out of too many places. They wouldn't even let me in my own bar. So I had to kill it, and place it's heart in...
Tork: Ewwww! That's a puzzle we didn't need completing. Hey, I'm not going to turn into a were-ferret, am I?
PM: Nah....He didn't even break the skin.
Tork: Well, that's a relief.
PM: Hey, you know what? I'm sorry that Fuzzy bit you. Here, take the hat.
Tork: No. I have to steal it.
PM: No, really...do me the favor, take it.
Tork: No.
PM: I have a closet full of them. Just take it.
Tork: No. I don't want it....but I'll be back, because I want it.
(Tork leaves)
PM: That was odd.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Sorry to step on Tork's toes, but Lita can't be the only one trying to get back into the rp. The pressure shouldn't all be on her.
#1331
<grabs a cookie and....
Date: 12/17/2001
From: wurw_elf
scampers away!> <nt>
fs!!
#1332
owww, my toes
Date: 12/17/2001
From: TorksXmasSpecial
<poinpoinpoinYouwillobeyTheBrainpoinpoinpoin>
< Tork takes off his disguise. He seems to be hot. >
Tork: A bear costume. What was I thinking?
< Tork reaches for his utility belt, which he stole from Diabolik. *>
Tork: Aha! This ought to do it.
< Tork pushes a button on a device. A small explosion can be heard. >
Tork: Ah, the ANTI-anti-theft device worked.
< Tork charges PM. >
Tork: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
< Tork tackles PM and takes his hat. >
Tork: Yoink!
PM: You! Wait a minute, didn't you say "Yoink" already?
Tork: I did? Did someone steal another one of MY Simpsons jokes?
< Tork breathes on PM. PM is turned to stone, because bear breath can do that. ** >
Tork: And that is that.
< All of a sudden it is night, and PM the statue becomes PM the werewolf. An exciting fight breaks out between a bear-in-a-robot-costume and an Egyptian-werewolf. But that is a tale best left for a future reply. >
* - A Batman reference, get it? You know, the campy sixties and all? Hello?
** - Altered Beast for the Sega Genesis. I sooooo wanted to mentioned that went the Super Mario robot was wreaking havoc.
Tork_110
serves the Dark One
The Thomas Edison of typos
actually likes the '60s Batman eps with the Riddler. I hope no one finds out.
the Jim Carrey Riddler, on the other hand - ewwww!
I was this close to adding this to the Dumbschmoe poin post. How almost embarrassing!
#1333
<Lita raises her hand> Ooh! Question!
Date: 12/18/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
<<<<mostly off topic mode>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Soooo… PM was turned into a statue, *then* he changed into a werewolf? Ok, so is he just a regular werewolf or is he *gasp!!!* is he a *stone werewolf*??? You know, one that can move and stuff!!! Eeek! Either way it's scary! Good luck Tork! Don't forget to "Go for it!" And don't forget it only counts if you *steal* the hat!
And now for the Off Topic portion of my reply…
For my money, though The Riddler is the Anteater of Batman Villains, the best Riddler I've seen was the one from the 60's series. The regular one, not the guy from the Adams Family who played The Riddler in one of the episodes.
But the best Batman villain of all time is The Joker. The best Joker is the one played by Caesar Romero, with the animated Joker from the Batman cartoon coming in second… the one who may or may not have been voiced by Luke Skywalker…
Also off topic…
I am watching Gymkata right now. In fact, I'm recording it. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this movie on this bboard once before, but I'm mentioning it again because Gymkata is *so* *freaking* *awesome*!!!1!!!1!11!!! You've heard of it on MST. When ever there's a crappy karate fight, the guys always shout "Hi Keeba!" and then usually follow it up with a hearty "Gymkata!" Yes. This movie is that good. See, Our Hero saves the day because he knows karate *and* gymnastics!!
I love the scene I'm watching now where Our Hero infiltrates the Village of the Damned (aka Crazy Town) which is populated entirely by insane people. After punching out somebody's grandma, he ends up in the Town Square surrounded by all the villagers. And they're all trying to kill him!!! Fortunately for him though, this town *was* built by insane people, and there just happens to be a pommel horse built right into the middle of the town square, cemented right in with bricks and everything. And of course, being a master in the art of Gymkata, Our Hero is able to use this pommel horse to beat the tar out of *the entire town*. I love this movie!!!
I won't reveal what happens at the end, but let me tell you, the last 30 seconds or so had me laughing for ten minutes straight.
They show this movie on the Action Channel from time to time, so if by some chance you get that channel, make sure to catch it. If not, maybe you can rent it. You'll like it, believe me. There's lots of great violence. And gymnastics!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup\
likes crappy karate/gymnastics movies
used too many *asterisks* in this reply
#1334
testing 1, 2, 3 Is this thing on?
Date: 12/18/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
Hey, it's the MST3K Bboard!!!
Turn down your fish, where applicable.
Woo-hoo!!!
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
I'll explain this later
#1335
OK, test worked.
Date: 12/18/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
Yippie skipee!!!!!!!!!!!!
OK, I'll explain. Stupid Duh said that I couldn't post my last reply because my handle and password didn't match. So to make sure it was my fault (Hey, with the Duh, you can't be sure), I thought I'd waste, rather than risk losing another thrilling installment of the rp.
With the test being successful, I will now attempt to recreate my lost post, word for word.
Thank you for your time.
************************************************************
Mickey: Wow, I haven't been beaten up in hours.
Evil Mike: Is that a problem? That can easilly be fixed.
Mickey: No, I'm fine, really. Hey, you planning on putting on clothes anytime soon? Rimmer's birthday was a couple of days ago.
Rimmer: Hey, the way I see it, is PM's making a comic out of this, so we're on comic time.
Lita: I'm afraid I don't follow.
Rimmer: Me neither. I'm just grasping for an explanation, because I don't want to give up Evil Mike yet.
Mickey: Actually, Rimmer, there's more to that than you think.
Lita, Rimmer, and Evil Mike: THERE IS?
Mickey: Sure. (Takes out some charts and graphs, which he's been keeping for years, just for a situation like this) You see, if a hero winds up to punch a villain in the last panel of strip one, you have to wait at least a day until that punch concludes.
Rimmer: So, it could still be my birthday. Come on, Evil Mike, you still owe me a pinch to grow an inch.
Mickey: And what if it's a comic book? You have to wait 30 days, or 60 if it's bi-monthly. Or maybe it's quarterly...
Rimmer: We get the poin...can we go now.
Lita: Oh no...hold on.
Rimmer: But Mickey said...
Lita: And you're going to listen to Mickey?
Rimmer: Hey, if Evil Mike is concerned, I'd listen to a toaster.
(in the kitchen, there's a loud pop!)
Evil Mike: Toast is ready! Come on, Ass! (both leave)
Lita: You're just lucky I have to go check on Tork right now (leaves)
Mickey: No wait! You didn't let me do my impression of that guy from Mole People. Ahem...(deep ominous voice) Down, DOW...and so forth. Hello, anybody?
Cow: Mo...
Mickey: Oh don't even bother (throws his poiner away)
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Don't mess with me when it comes to time and space.
************************************************************
There. That wasn't so bad, was it?
#1336
Director: CUT CUT CUT
Date: 12/18/2001
From: TorksXmasSpecial
asjdfklsjdfl;jsd;lfjla;dsjf;ljsdlkfj;alsdjflka;sd
Director: What was that? Who wrote this junk?
< Everyone poins at Tork >
Tork: Hey, it's written by a committee.
Mickey: But you were the one who wrote that last scene.
Tork: (under breath) Shut up!
Director: A guy who turned into stone and then into a werewolf?! This has gotten waaaaaaay to campy. For now on we're gonna make this really dark.
Tork: Can I at least stop being a bear?
Director: No, but you got to leak blood from your mouth and start mauling someone. PM, no one wants to see a movie with Scooby Doo in it. So drop the 'R's. Oh, and here is a list of swear words I want you to use.
............
Director: Now let's do the scene the way I we rehearsed it.
< And Action! >
Tork: RARRRRR! Now that I have mauled Mrs. Mobius, Nabut, Rick, Nick, and Sam, I am here to destroy you PM.
< The camera makes sure we see a lot of blood ooze from Tork's mouth and claws. >
PM: Never!!! Besides all of them, you also killed my parents!!
Tork: Yes, I am evil. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHa! And @#%$%@$# to you.
PM: Yeah, well you're a @#$%$%@.
< PM pulls out a very large gun and shoots Tork in the arm. Real gory. >
Tork: Owww. GRRRRRRRR!
< Tork charges PM, claws his chest real bad, and takes his hat. >
Tork: Ahhh. Taking your hat. Now I have utterly destoyed you! Say hello to everyone I killed!
Wurwolf Hunter B: Nooooooo!
< WHB suddenly appears and kicks Tork away from PM. >
WHB: What you didn't know was that PM is a wurwolf.
< Sure enough, a full moon appears, and PM does turn into a werewolf. One that is clearly stronger than Tork. >
PM: Now to avenge my parents...and my wife...and my help.
< Tork struggles to remember his lines. >
Tork Brain: "Please don't kill me." "Argh I'm dead!" HEY, wait a minute.
Tork: I already have the hat, what and I doing here?
< Tork runs away. >
Director: What are you doing?! You can't do that to me! I'm a genius!!
< PM takes off the werewolf cosume and peels off the fake wounds. >
Director: Stop it.
PM: Sorry, it's over.
< WHB walks up to the camera. >
WHB: What really happened is that Tork asked to borrow PM's hat, and then refused to give back. (Which IS stealing.) Tork ran away and finally gave it to Lita. Everyone who was alive before this reply is unchanged.
PM: Oh well, I'll just go back to MSTblanca and get another hat. Want a drink, WHB?
-------------
The preceding reply contained graphic violence and is not suitable for children.
Don't blame me. Rimmer introduced the concept of a director. Yikes, don't pull out Mr. Pointy McHappySlackSlasher. NOOOOO.
#1337
Will you look at that?
Date: 12/18/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
............................................................
I appear to have taken leave of my brain…MICKEY!!!
Since when do I just let Rimmer run off with Evil Mike? Birthday Schmirthday, I already gave Rimmer her present, and this isn't going to stand!
<Lita pulls out the present she gave to Rimmer on her actual birthday. The miniature giant spider crawls out and runs to his owner. Nothing like a big spider on the bed to ruin the mood…>
Rimmer: Eeeek!!!
EM: Just ignore it, it's ok!
Rimmer: The hell it is!!!
<She runs away and the spider follows her. That spider really likes her! Lita goes and stands by Evil Mike, glowering down at him.>
EM: Uh… hi!
Lita: I'll punish you after Tork gets back with that hat, Mike. In the meantime, go punch Mickey a few times for me, will you?
EM: Ok!
<Evil Mike leaves to do Lita's bidding and… oops! He forgot to put his clothes on again! That crazy Evil Mike! What kind of wacky hijinks will he get into next?>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
What do you mean Tork already gave me the hat? Let's just say this was a "Meanwhile" reply. It happened somewhere in the middle of Tork's reply, after the director started spouting orders, but before Tork got back and gave me the hat. Ok?
#1338
That's it, Evil Mike!
Date: 12/18/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
Evil Mike: I'm going to...wha?
Mickey: That's right. I'm not as spineless as you think. I'm going to fight back! Besides, I remember what you did a few years ago!
Evil Mike: You weren't here a few years ago. Come to think of it, I don't think I was here a few years ago.
Mickey: Oh don't give me that, you son of a bitch!
Lita: Hey! There's no need for that!
Evil Mike: Yeah, and leave my mother out of this. She was a nice woman.
(Mickey kicks Evil Mike)
Evil Mike: Hey, that really hurt...what's gotten into you?
Mickey: It was you. I know it was you.
Evil Mike: It was, it was...wait. Why me? What did I do?
Mickey: YOU KILLED MY BROTHER! NOW YOU MUST DIE!
Director: Cut! Mickey, it's just not working.
Mickey: Yeah it is. I'm just getting warmed up.
Director: No, no. You're just too...nice.
Mickey: Well, what are we going to do? You can't replace me now.
Director: We could edit you out...
Mickey: Very funny.
Director: But no one's available at this poin. Maybe going dark wasn't such a great idea.
Mickey: Sure it is. Just pick up at "YOU KILLED MY BROTHER!" . I'll take it from there.
Director: Okay. ACTION!
Mickey: NOW YOU MUST DIE...please?
Director: CUT! Let's just go back to the way it was.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard NICE Guy
Friend to All
To cute to be dark.
#1339
[PM] Tork, you basshtard!!!!!
Date: 12/18/2001
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Berieved Mode>>>
[PM sits at the bar at the darkened MSTBlanca, drinking straight out of a bottle labeled "And the four angels who had been kept ready for this very hour and day and month and year were released to kill a third of mankind.". Tears are streaming from his eyes, and it's apparent that they're not all a result of the acrid fumes issuing from the bottle. Every once in awhile, he stops to gasp for breath, and issue forth a new wailing cry.]
[PM] I'll never forgive you, Tork! You @*@*@%#@%$# killed everyone that meant anything to me! WHY?!? Oh, @#$$##$&$^#&, *WHY?!?!?!?* [He collapses in a heap of sobs onto the bar.]
[Mrs. Mobius walks up.] What's wrong, dear?
[PM, with a broken voice] That @#@$%#%$% Tork killed you, and my parents, and Rick, and Sam, and Nipsy Russel... [he lets out a tear-jerking sob.] And then he STOLE MY HAT!!!!! [He breaks into a fresh wave of tears.]
[Mrs. Mo] Errrmmm... Sutenhotep? I'm not dead.
[PM stops crying.] Well, that's true. But my parents...
[Mrs. Mo] --are fine. I just got off the phone with them. [She cuts PM off before he speaks again.] --And the boys are all at the employee Christmas party, back at the Palace. Which *you* should be hosting, I might add.
[PM] Well okay, nobody died. But Tork *did* steal my hat!
[Mrs. Mo] And you've got a closet full of hats just like it.
[PM] I do? I *do*! Thanks for putting it all into perspective for me, dear.
[Mrs. Mo] That's what I'm here for. Now let's go to the party, and we'll get you another hat.
[PM] You mean you don't like the sombrero?
[Mrs. Mo laughs.] Not on you, I don't.
[Director] Oh %@%#%$!!! Cut, cut, CUT!!! Lady, you totally ruined my "angsty, getting ready for revenge" scene! And where the @$%@$# did the $@$#@$@$#@$ *sombrero* come from?
[PM] Come on, I thought the sombrero was funny!
[Director] You thought? You #%#$@% THOUGHT?!?!? I don't #@%#@%@$ pay you to $%@$#@$#@ think!
[Mrs. Mo] Actually, I wasn't aware that you paid us for *anything*!
[Director] That's it! This %#@%#@$%#@ bitch has gotta go! You're fired, you #%#$#^ #^%%$^$!!!!!
[PM's voice takes on a deadly edge.] WHAT did you call my wife?
[Director] You heard me, you $@@#$#@ !@$#@$hole!
[PM] Oh, it's on now! You've had it, Tarantino!
[Director] Are you threatening me, you little @$%#@$#?!?
[PM puts a funky power-glove looking thing on his right hand and poins at the Director with it. Nifty CGI sparkles play all around the glove's fingertip, and end with the cliched lens flare (with lens flare sound effect).]
[PM] Take a hike, you ANTEATER!
[The Director looks down at himself to see that he *has* been changed into an anteater. He speaks now in a tiny, anteatery voice.] Oh %#$%#$!!!
The mad Pharaoh Mobius
Say what you want about me
But don't @%#@$%@# with my wife!
Sarcophagus!
Next up: It's Christmas at MSTBlanca
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